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Dear __________,

I hope this letter reaches you in good health. With all do respect,  I think about you everyday. I think about us everyday. What went wrong. When it went wrong. Where I went wrong. You were/are nothing short of the most amazing woman I've ever met. You are beautiful in such a profound way that a majority of the world doesn't even understand your love. You see it took me all this time. It took me losing you. During your vulnerable moments I see now why you would feel alone sometimes. You loved the world and it seemed the world wasn't receiving or returning that same love. Sounds familiar. But see it was returning that same love, it was protecting you... protecting you from people like me. Protecting you from people who weren't ready for you love, who used your love (intentionally or unintentionally).  I see that you're happy now. You deserve that. You deserve that like no other. He's a lucky man. I know just how lucky. It sickens me. I never thought you would leave. I never wanted you to leave. I never thought I would let you leave. And even after all that... I knew you only left in hopes you were enough... you were worth me coming to find you. And I never did come, did I? I never came and rescued my queen. The queen I made leave. In my moments of thinking of you I envision your smile most often. I think about mornings waking up with you in my arms...I still feel you here some mornings (in the form of a bird tapping on my window or in the a way I ask her to touch me). Sometimes I drive an hour back to the house where we spent that wonderful summer. I walk to the back yard, down by the stream and you are right there with me... reminding me to listen to the silence and the birds and the water, picking flowers and offering them as gifts to me ....you are right there next to me asking me how I was feeling... what was I thinking ... and i'm right next to you not taking in the silence and the birds and the water, taking for granted the flowers you picked for me and offered as gifts... right there right next to you telling you what I feel is nothing and what i'm thinking about is work.

A work email alert sounds on my phone and then reality sets in and i'm not at that house, i'm not by the stream, and you are not here next to me, someone else is, and she sits besides me telling me how she feels and while I care for her I can't help but to wish I would have told you everything I felt that afternoon by the stream. I should have told you I felt true love, I felt safe, I felt happy, I felt grateful, I felt scared. I should have told you I was in love. I should have held your hand and listened to the silence and the birds and the water. That's all you ever wanted from me. Nothing more/nothing less. Just me. You needed me, you trusted me, you loved me and I let you down. I apologize for every tear.


Love Always,

__________________