I live with 33 articles of clothing. But Leo Babauta lives without a toaster, microwave, or paper towels. Sarah Wilson does the same. And Daniel Suelolives without money. I am very thankful for Leo, Sarah, Daniel, and Mukundbecause I am inspired by those who own less. They cause me to reevaluate my presumptions and strive towards even greater intentionality. But I have long since removed the comparisons.

-Joshua Becker

2:56 a.m. 

I'm just up.

2:58 a.m.

The Shadow Self by Mateo Sol

"It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses- and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster." ~ Carl Jung, "On the Psychology of the Unconscious."

                Photo by Jalil Amon

If you're truly honest about self-exploration during your journey of Involution, you will come across many aspects and traits about yourself that you will find difficult - if not completely disturbing - to accept.

In the domain of psychology, renowned psychologist Carl Jung devoted a lot of thought to this problem of the "Shadow Self", being deeply invested in the research of ancient esoteric knowledge and spiritual scriptures to not only treat the mind of man, but his soul as well.

In response to his serious preoccupation Jung created the Archetypes model, a concept wherein he believed our unconscious minds are fragmented or structured into different "selves" in an attempt to organize how we experience different things in life.  Two of Jung's major Archetypes are The Persona and The Shadow Self.

The Birth Of The Shadow Self

So what exactly is the "Persona" and "Shadow Self"?  Well the Persona, according to Jung, defines what we would like to be and how we wish to be seen by the world.  The word "persona" is derived from a Latin word that literally means "mask", however in this instance the word can be applied metaphorically, representing all of the different social masks that we wear among different groups of people and situations.

On the other hand, the Shadow Self is an archetype that forms part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions and embarrassing fears.  This archetype is often described as the darker side of the psyche, representing wildness, chaos and the unknown. Jung believed that these latent dispositions are present in all of us, in many instances forming a strong source of creative energy.

We are all born pure, like blank canvases.  But at some point during our childhood development, we learn knowledge that teaches us to separate things into good and evil. The moment we eat from this tree of knowledge, our shadows are born and we begin to divide ourselves.  Furthermore, in our cultural 'socialization' process, we begin to sort out those traits within us that are acceptable in society, and those unacceptable traits that aren't (which are later hidden away).  

Thus, the dark shadow traits that we all possess accumulate in the corners of our unconscious minds, never becoming adequately integrated into our conscious minds because we never see our split state in the first place (due to our psychological 'defence mechanisms').  And so we continue on accumulating these dark desires, motivations and fears.

This can be dangerous.  Through observing many of our Involutionstudents for example, I've come across certain individuals who have allowed their Shadow Selves to accumulate for so long that they've erupted and overpowered the person through depression or an unconscious accident that ended up manifesting their inner "Monsters".  This can lead to physical, emotional, psychological and interpersonal consequences that can last for a very long time.

It's understandable that our civilizing process requires us to repress aspects of ourselves that do not fit in with the structured ideal of our society.  We are born whole and complete, but slowly we learn to live fractioned lives, accepting some parts of our nature but rejecting and ignoring other parts.

A holiday to a different part of the world will show you how arbitrary some of these divisions are.  In the West for example, eye contact is perceived as confident and engaging, whereas in Japan it's perceived as arrogant and rude.  In the Middle East burping after a meal is a sign of pleasure, yet anywhere else in the world it's seen as vulgar and uncouth.  And in American TV shows depicting violent murders is considered more acceptable than showing nudity or sexual acts, whereas in Europe it's the complete opposite.  These are just a few examples.

Basically, the repression of our negative traits or emotions in society is one of the biggest barriers in any persons journey towards Self-Loveand living authentically.  How can you completely and whole-heartedly accept who you are if there are sides of yourself that you're too afraid to explore?

So, apart from modern day society's ideas of acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour, what else causes such a great repression of the Shadow Self?  In truth, a lot of it actually comes from the endless cornucopia of "feel good" motivational teachings out there.  If you notice, a lot of modern spiritual and religious work revolves around moving towards the "light", accepting the "light" and seeking for the "light".  Yet by doing so, we ignore the entirety of what it is to be human!  In fact, many of the spiritual and new age teachings out there provide an escape for those who do not want to be responsible for the entirety of themselves and their lives.  Understandably the "light" energies are usually represented with noble values such as as love, peace, joy, harmony, compassion, entirely ignoring the darker elements within us such as anger, vengeance, control, fear, shame, competitiveness, jealousy, lust, etc.  Because these darker characteristics are associated with 'negativity', they're avoided out of fear.

Interestingly, many seekers of spiritual growth think that somehow all of the negative qualities within themselves will eventually be transcended.  Yet from my own experience, embracing your inner darkness allows for the creation of a psychological and spiritual balance, an integrated whole - whereas denying it creates chaos and disharmony.

The keyword here is "integrate", which comes from the Latin word integratus, meaning to ‘make whole’.  To integrate an inner quality is to take ownership and responsibility for it, rather than rejecting or denying it.  The benefits are many; sanity, healing, and wholeness are all found in integration.  On the other hand, the opposite of integration is to ‘disintegrate’ – or to be fragmented and divided into pieces.  A person that 'breaks down' or 'falls apart' for instance, is someone who has been unable to handle stress and who has ignored too many of their personality traits, especially Shadow Self traits.  In reality, a fragmented person can never handle adversity because they have no whole centre, and they're always handling life from the corners of their personality parts.

Embracing The Shadow Self

Our journey of Self-Exploration is a bit like Dante's Inferno.  Before making our way out of "hell" we must walk through the depths of our inner darkness. When I write about embracing or integrating your shadow self, I do not mean to indulge in any desire that arises within you.  Indulging your anger for instance, will simply result in more anger.  By embracing your inner darkness I mean that it is necessary for you to "accept" it. Accepting your darkness will allow you to take responsibility for yourself, and once you truly acknowledge one of these dark traits instead of avoiding them, suddenly, they will stop having control over you.  By being honest with ourselves and accepting our shadow elements, it frees us up to truly witness the uncharted areas of our minds, allowing us to see that we are not these elements, but simply possess thoughts, feelings and drives that come and go.  You cannot simply go "beyond hatred" if first you don't admit to yourself that you do in fact possess hateful feelings.

To completely experience Self-Love we must learn to experience our Shadow Selves, and voyage into the dark, murky waters of the unknown courageously.  Otherwise, every time we condemn other people for their shadow traits, we're in essence condemning our hypocritical selves in the process.

A whole and balanced self is a reconciliation of all parts, an inner unification.  It is not an indulgence of the darker parts of our natures, but an acceptance and direct experience of them in the light of mindful awareness and deep honesty.

Exploring your darkness is not necessarily all doom and gloom.  In fact, you may be surprised by the endless array of creative and interesting 'things' you find that have been secretively stored away.To accept and embrace your Shadow Self is to go back and become "whole" again and thus taste a glimpse of what authentic "holiness" feels like.

Written by Mateo Sol

This isn't some cry for attention. In fact, people (that I know) don't read my blog unless I ask them to ...so this for sure isn't some subliminal post. I just had to say that getting over you will probably be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I'm trying to think back to the time I had to leave him & him & him, but, I don't remember it feeling this hard (and you know why) I never been more confused and embarrassed and lost and incoherent. I think I love you but I'm not sure. I know I would have left anyone for you ... Everyone for you. I feel like I could have spent my life with you but I've been told my emotions ain't no shit to follow ... No shit to believe in. So, if we talking logic ... You was the worst for me but somehow the best for me. But all this it to the left of me ... You got the best of me ... But not the best me. 

Dear,

I was wondering if you could stop hurting me now... maybe then I could stop hurting myself. Dear, I know neither one of us asked for this. I wasnt looking when I found you & you won't find me once you've lost me. It will take awhile for me to leave ... You see I've got these detachment knots and troubles and these delusionals that aren't subtle.  I try to see objectively but the pain keeps projecting me and I get lost in the trajectory ................

and here you are again neglecting me ... Damn. 

Dear, it's not explainable its not substainable ... Why do I love what's unattainable? 

"Bad Religion" by Frank Ocean

Taxi driver

Be my shrink for the hour

Leave the meter running

It's rush hour

So take the streets if you wanna

Just outrun the demons, could you?

He said "allahu akbar", I told him don't curse me

"But boy you need prayer", I guess it couldn't hurt me

If it brings me to my knees

It's a bad religion

This unrequited love

To me it's nothing but

A one-man cult

And cyanide in my styrofoam cup

I could never make him love me

Never make him love me

Love, love...

Taxi driver

I swear I've got three lives

Balanced on my head like steak knives

I can't tell you the truth about my disguise

I can't trust no one

This unrequited love

To me it's nothing but

A one-man cult

And cyanide in my styrofoam cup

I could never make him love me

Never make him love me

It's a bad religion

To be in love with someone

Who could never love you

Only bad

Only bad religion

Could have me feeling the way I do

A Letter from Jon & Yoko

The past ten years we noticed everything we wished came true in its own time, good or bad, one way or the other. We kept telling each other that one of these days we would have to get organized and wish for only good things. Then our baby arrived! We were overjoyed and at the same time felt very responsible. Now our wishes would also affect him. We felt it was time for us to stop discussing and do something about our wishing process: The Spring Cleaning of our minds! It was a lot of work. We kept finding things in those old closets in our minds that we hadn’t realized were still there, things we wished we hadn’t found. As we did our cleaning, we also started to notice many wrong things in our house: there was a shelf which should never have been there in the first place, a painting we grew to dislike, and there were the two dingy rooms, which became light and breezy when we broke the walls between them. We started to love the plants, which one of us originally through were robbing the air from us! We began to enjoy the drum beat of the city which used to annoy us. We made a lot of mistakes and still do. In the past we spent lots of energy in trying to get something we thought we wanted, wondered why we didn’t get it, only to find out that one or both of us didn’t really want it. One day, we received a sudden rain of chocolates from people around the world. “Hey, what’s this! We’re not eating sugar stuff, are we?” “Who’s wishing it?” We both laughed. We discovered that when two of us wished in unison, it happened faster. As the Good Book says — Where two are gathered together — It’s true. Two is plenty. A New Clear Seed.

More and more we are starting to wish and pray. The things we have tried to achieve in the past by flashing a V sign, we try now through wishing. We are not doing this because it is simpler. Wishing is more effective than waving flags. It works. It’s like magic. Magic is simple. Magic is real. The secret of it is to know that it is simple, and not kill it with an elaborate ritual which is a sign of insecurity. When somebody is angry with us, we draw a halo around his or her head in our minds. Does the person stop being angry then? Well, we don’t know! We know, though, that when we draw a halo around a person, suddenly the person starts to look like an angel to us. This helps us feel warm towards the person, reminds us that everyone has goodness inside, and that all people who come to us are angels in disguise, carrying messages and gifts to us from the Universe. Magic is logical. Try it sometime.

We still have a long way to go. It seems the more we get into cleaning, the faster the wishing and receiving process gets. The house is getting very comfortable now. Sean is beautiful. The plants are growing. The cats are purring. The town is shining, sun, rain or snow. We live in a beautiful universe. We are thankful every day for the plentifulness of our life. This is not a euphemism. We understand that we, the city, the country, the earth are facing very hard times, and there is panic in the air. Still the sun is shining and we are here together, and there is love between us, our city, the country, the earth. If two people like us can do what we are doing with our lives, any miracle is possible! It’s true we can do with a few big miracles right now. The thing is to recognize them when they come to you and to be thankful. First they come in a small way, in every day life, then they come in rivers, and in oceans. It’s goin’ to be alright! The future of the earth is up to all of us.

Many people are sending us vibes every day in letters, telegrams, taps on the gate, or just flowers and nice thoughts. We thank them all and appreciate them for respecting our quiet space, which we need. Thank you for all the love you send us. We feel it every day. We love you, too. We know you are concerned about us. That is nice. That’s why you want to know what we are doing. That’s why everybody is asking us What, When and Why. We understand. Well, this is what we’ve been doing. We hope that you have the same quiet space in your mind to make your own wishes come true.

If you think of us next time, remember, our silence is a silence of love and not of indifference. Remember, we are writing in the sky instead of on paper — that’s our song. Lift your eyes and look up in the sky. There’s our message. Life your eyes again and look around you, and you will see that you are walking in the sky, which extends to the ground. We are all part of the sky, more so than of the ground. Remember, we love you.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono
New York City

PS. We noticed that three angels were looking over our shoulders when we wrote this!