"We never think we can get over something until we do"
I went on my Myspace today- it had been centuries. I was breezing over my page... looking at old pictures, and messages. I came across this one and only blog entry I wrote in 2008. I thought I would share.
I went on my Myspace today- it had been centuries. I was breezing over my page... looking at old pictures, and messages. I came across this one and only blog entry I wrote in 2008. I thought I would share.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Title: Its written on your forehead
Current mood: optimistic
Title: Its written on your forehead
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life
You can control the mind but not the heart. My life seems to be straight Black and white....no shades of gray. But yesterday... yesterday I was in the gray, this morning, bright blood red.... When I looked in mirror the words "get over it" were stamped on my forehead. Eyes looked like I had been crying for years, body like I havent ate in months. I tried to take some soap and water and wash the words off....I scrubbed my forehead so hard it started to burn. After scrubbing and rinsing and washing and scrubbing again the words were finally gone...finally! Even though the words were gone, the pain from trying to erase them was still visible. I cried through the night, and when I woke the next morning the words had reappeared. Same process, scrub scrub scrub, rinse, scrub, rinse. Play the victim all day. "My head hurts" "Leave me alone" "Can't you see that i'm hurting?" "Why aren't you babying me?" I realized that even though I got the words off my forehead....in the morning the words would be right back there. I needed a new... more permanent solution. After months of scrubbing the words off each and every day just so I could pretend at school and at work that they were never there...scars started to appear. When the scars started to visibly appear I started waking up angry....waking up sad...hiding from myself and the truth. Covered the words on my head with a bang, make-up, hats. I needed something permanent...or these words, these feelings, would be with me forever. So I started to ignore the words in the morning. In the mirror in the morning....I would pretend....like the words weren't even there...that the words didn't bother me. Soon enough I said "enough with the scrubbing". I accepted what was written on my forehead, I owned it, but I didn't let it get to me. I would walk around like thoe words weren't even there. When I finally stopped scrubbing, stopped focusing on the negative, the pain, the words started fading on their own. Each morning I woke up and a letter was gone. I started forgetting that the words were ever there. Then one day, days, weeks, months later, I woke up, looked in the mirror, and the words were all gone, and so were the scars. I felt beautiful again. I felt needed again, I felt loved again, I felt like myself again....for the first time since those words appeared on my forhead ever since we split. So I brushed my hair off my face, When I walked outside today I ran into my neighbor and he said to me " There's something different about you today...is it your hair?...you're wearing it off your face these days...I havent seen your face in so long, your look prettier than ever. Don't ever cover up that beautiful fore head again."
And we lived happily ever after....
You can control the mind but not the heart. My life seems to be straight Black and white....no shades of gray. But yesterday... yesterday I was in the gray, this morning, bright blood red.... When I looked in mirror the words "get over it" were stamped on my forehead. Eyes looked like I had been crying for years, body like I havent ate in months. I tried to take some soap and water and wash the words off....I scrubbed my forehead so hard it started to burn. After scrubbing and rinsing and washing and scrubbing again the words were finally gone...finally! Even though the words were gone, the pain from trying to erase them was still visible. I cried through the night, and when I woke the next morning the words had reappeared. Same process, scrub scrub scrub, rinse, scrub, rinse. Play the victim all day. "My head hurts" "Leave me alone" "Can't you see that i'm hurting?" "Why aren't you babying me?" I realized that even though I got the words off my forehead....in the morning the words would be right back there. I needed a new... more permanent solution. After months of scrubbing the words off each and every day just so I could pretend at school and at work that they were never there...scars started to appear. When the scars started to visibly appear I started waking up angry....waking up sad...hiding from myself and the truth. Covered the words on my head with a bang, make-up, hats. I needed something permanent...or these words, these feelings, would be with me forever. So I started to ignore the words in the morning. In the mirror in the morning....I would pretend....like the words weren't even there...that the words didn't bother me. Soon enough I said "enough with the scrubbing". I accepted what was written on my forehead, I owned it, but I didn't let it get to me. I would walk around like thoe words weren't even there. When I finally stopped scrubbing, stopped focusing on the negative, the pain, the words started fading on their own. Each morning I woke up and a letter was gone. I started forgetting that the words were ever there. Then one day, days, weeks, months later, I woke up, looked in the mirror, and the words were all gone, and so were the scars. I felt beautiful again. I felt needed again, I felt loved again, I felt like myself again....for the first time since those words appeared on my forhead ever since we split. So I brushed my hair off my face, When I walked outside today I ran into my neighbor and he said to me " There's something different about you today...is it your hair?...you're wearing it off your face these days...I havent seen your face in so long, your look prettier than ever. Don't ever cover up that beautiful fore head again."
And we lived happily ever after....
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